I was inspired today by a friend who is going through some relationship trouble.
She had what seemed like the perfect relationship for two years, with a boy we will call X.
Everyone was envious of them. People looked at her relationship as an example of what true love was. What perfection was. What forever was.
But then, she fell for someone else. We will call him Y.
Today, amongst bagels and coffee, she began to tell me that X is trying to say that she doesn't love him and never did. He says, "when you love someone, you don't do that to them."Typical statement that is thrown between lovers in hard times. It's the easiest thing to say, "you must not love me then." Hearing those words is the ultimate guilt trip. Cuts like a knife in the chest.
I then started to think about that statement for a second. I know that she loves X. She knows that she loves X. and I even think that deep down, through all of the pain of her being with someone else, X knows that too. Two words popped into my head at that moment, clear as day; Situational Satisfaction.
We all know that life brings us to certain situations sometimes that we cannot easily escape. And to cope with those situations, we search for what will satisfy us. Bring us happiness and peace, especially if the situation is new and unknown to us. It's simple, really. Like when you're feeling hungry, you search for what will satisfy that hunger. That craving.
I told her that I knew she loved X. But Y was a new situation. He brought her new ideas and new cravings and she yearned to satisfy those cravings. It has nothing to do with love. Love can't even be defined because it is so different for everyone. The way that you love your dog is not the same as loving your child. The way you love your boyfriend is not the same as loving your grandma. There are so many different kinds of love, none which can really be defined indefinitely. It depends on the person. and the situation.
You always hear people say, "well it depends on the situation...."
as if it is an excuse or a reason behind doing something.
So why can't that be the case for love? for relationships?
We try to define love with statements such as, "oh that's not love." or, "he doesn't love her." or, "you don't love me then." But there is no how-to-guide for love, it's all about the situation. the people it involves. it's personal.
Y gave my friend an opportunity to satisfy something she didn't know she was craving.
Something new and unknown.
That doesn't mean that the experiences and love that she had with X is just out the window.
forgotten. erased.
That would be impossible.
But, she was put into a situation that was out of her control.
Situational satisfaction.
