climax.

I can't remember the last time that a number appeared on my phone and I actually responded to the butterflies. I can't remember the last time I closed my eyes and saw myself capable of loving. I can't remember the last time I felt anxiety at the hope of seeing someone one day again. I can't remember the last time I felt an instant connection with a man of substance. I can't remember the last time I felt healthy enough to be in a relationship. I can't remember the last time I laid in a bed with a man with my all of my clothes on. I can't remember the last time I felt my body smiling. I can't remember the last time I ached to express romance. I can't remember the last time I felt I had someone to work for, to look forward to.

And then you saw me for the first time, pointed at me, and smiled.

And instantly, I remembered.

prettywings.

The sky often speaks to me, in the softest whispers or in the loudest screams. The moon often calls to me, to stretch my mind and force me to think. The sun often kisses me, on the top of my head or the soles of my unpolished feet. The stars often watch me, and guide me towards the almond shape of your face. Wooden floors hold me strong and move my body to the most intricate beats of music. Vodka seeps into my tensed shoulders and tranquilizes my senses. You occupy my inbox and i'm back to the beginning of our forever unfinished race.

unthinkable

For so long, I have forced myself to not think of you. To erase you as best as i could. I loved after you. I loved you more, but I loved again. It's an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, thinking about what we had. It's distant, old, and stale. Yet what I can't understand are the little things. The things that are as fresh as yesterday in my mind, like the shape of your neck and how I used to kiss it. It's salty taste. Your dark hands and how they overpowered my small frame. The face you make when you get angry, the fear i felt at the raise of your strong voice. How it looked to see your number on my phone screen everyday. A certain song and its lyrics, how you used to interpret music. The way my bathroom tiles felt when you wouldn't pick up the phone. Cold.

I never thought I would speak to you again and to be honest, i learned to not want to at all. I trained myself by moving forward and seeking other things.

As usual, I got distracted from this. I can never finish a thought when it comes to you