where the fence is low.

it's been a while, holy shit.

the most beautiful and relaxing music is currently flowing through my headphones and into my ears. the view to the left of me is gorgeous, calm blue skies. like the color blue just before the sunset causes it to change to pink and orange. a light, calming blue. There are no curtains or blinds, just view. I am sitting in Mike's new room, with his satin brown bed sheet sprawled across my legs, in a 70 degree room, with a mary jane mindset.

I put on a "Sunset" "Mood" playlist on Spotify and a soothing version of "Latch" came on.

I don't think I have ever felt more in love.

I have this warm, blooming, tickling almost butterflying feeling in the pit of my stomach, lately. It's nice. It makes me smile.

I am browsing around on pinterest. Today I got four cheese rosa pasta sauce in my hair. I've been having really good laughs lately. Belly laughs. Mike is in Derek's room watching "The Strain" for an hour while our Pixar movie loads on the computer that is attached to the television. These are my favorite moments.

How will I ever leave?

"Crossing that bridge when we get there."
as he says.

I graduated college. I did it. Took a while, but I did it.
I'm proud of myself.

I think of rehab jokes quite often.
I think of the people too.
I think of the stories.
the meetings.
the memories.
the work I did.

My life is changing soon. a lot. and soon.
I can't
stress about it.

For now, I will just enjoy this setting. My current setting. The marlboro lights on the table, my caramel iced coffee in my hand, the music.

The love.

latch

I don't want to love you anymore.

I don't want to watch you pretend to care as much as I do anymore.
You really made a fool of me. I really believed you.

I really love you,

this sucks for me.

I hope you never find anybody that even comes close to how amazing I am.

world on fire.

i've been through some fucking bullshit in my life thus far but im not an idiot and i know deep down when people are lying to me and when they are telling the truth and i really fucking believed him man.

i really did.

i drove three hours on a suspended license to pick you up because you drunkenly asked me.
i did it.
without a thought.
anything to be next to you
to laugh with you
to feel that fucking bullshit with you

how is this happening?

i fell in LOVE, with you. hard.

i keep listening to these country song lyrics about "I'm no good for you, you're not good for me." and I'm trying to relate but it's impossible because the way we fit together is unlike anything I've ever known.

Just let me love you already.
My time is running out.