I am the girl sitting on the red coach with tears falling down her face at the memories of her old town. i don't know why Tallahassee makes me feel this way. it's an uncertain feeling. in so many ways, i feel so grown from this town. so distant. so different. but there is something in the air, here. i can't explain it. it feels so much like home. so memorable. so very much the same. but different. in ways it feels like a lifetime since i walked these streets. these halls and these dorms. these bars and these rooms. i wish i could figure out a solitary word to describe how this place makes me feel. all i know is it brings me to tears. both happy and sad. both anxious and calm. at the same time. it feels like the energy within my bones is at most ease when i am admiring the brick buildings and peach grey sky on Tennessee street. the hilly streets and the corners that i turned so often. the places that became embodied within me that i don't think will ever go away. i visit the most out of my friends. i have a place here. it's ironic because for so long this town was so awful to me, or i was to it. both.
nighttime is my favorite in Tallahassee because of how truly dark it gets. eerily dark. yet i always know my way around. i could be blindfolded and be just fine. that's how much i know this place. it makes me so nostalgic and sad. the times i had here were hard. and wonderful. and experimental. and scary. and stupid. and fun. sitting on the deck of my old sorority house, breathing a cigarette like i did for so many years before, in that very same spot. feeling like the same little girl, so many years later. so much time has passed yet it always stands still here. i feel such peace and chaos at the same time when i am here. it never allows me to forget all that i had done while i was there. five and a half long years. years of trouble and excitement and learning all smashed into one like a wave crashing. sucking me down and spitting me out while i am trying to swim and i get above water only to be sucked under again. but i always make it out alive. so fast. time moved so fast here. it is such a surreal place. i am so forever in lust with it.
