cranberry.

Today feels like you. Like a wave of you, actually. a storm.

I feel it in my belly, the familiarity of the thought of you and your face.

I can't put a finger on it. but i know it's you.

my throat, swollen. eyes, tired. mind, blank.

I ached to be alone today, independent.

I got take out sushi and heard the music differently and sat in the sun, it's warmth felt cold.

My hands hurt to stretch and my legs to walk.

And i found myself staring at your face on the computer screen, watching old movies of us and reminiscing on the way you used to make me laugh. and cry. and smile. and hate.

I know that on these days, they are so rare these days, that i am on your mind.

I can literally feel your thoughts, your anger still. guilt.

We were something, once. We were everything.

and now, nothing. nothing at all. it's been years since we've exchanged looks yet alone words.

but i will never be able to forget you. i will always think of you.

and i hate you for that. and i love you for that. and i resent you for that.

You used to talk of rescuing me, saving me at any given moment.

But where is that moment? and where are you?

You are gone. dimmed. faded.

Sometimes i look at the moon and wonder if you can feel me still breathing. I talk to the sky in hopes you may hear, or want to hear. I sing to the air and dance in my mind and wonder if you know.

Can you feel me? I feel you.

So strong today. Never on other days.

I find myself dreaming of what you would ever say to me again. God forbid if in tragedy, would you show your face? Would you want to remember me?

We carved ink into our skin due to the fall, and my swollen skin bled for you.

You were mine and i was yours and at times that fact consumes me.

Maybe because it's cold outside. You always come to mind.

You sneak up on me with the sting of certain lyrics and smells in a room.

Hello. I hope you're well. I think of you. That's all.