unthinkable

For so long, I have forced myself to not think of you. To erase you as best as i could. I loved after you. I loved you more, but I loved again. It's an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, thinking about what we had. It's distant, old, and stale. Yet what I can't understand are the little things. The things that are as fresh as yesterday in my mind, like the shape of your neck and how I used to kiss it. It's salty taste. Your dark hands and how they overpowered my small frame. The face you make when you get angry, the fear i felt at the raise of your strong voice. How it looked to see your number on my phone screen everyday. A certain song and its lyrics, how you used to interpret music. The way my bathroom tiles felt when you wouldn't pick up the phone. Cold.

I never thought I would speak to you again and to be honest, i learned to not want to at all. I trained myself by moving forward and seeking other things.

As usual, I got distracted from this. I can never finish a thought when it comes to you