stopped time.

may this year of chaos remind us to be grateful and compassionate, always.
I find myself compelled to write - to let words and thoughts and feelings pour out of me like the rain pours everyday at 2:17 p.m. and then stops for the sun at 2:21.
we are stuck and scared, worried and anxious - and just, alone. together.
I haven't seen my 73 year old father because god forbid this virus goes one step near him. I won't have it. my job has just ceased. stopped. like time. which then compels me to think of the lives I have lived. how I will never live them, like I did, ever again. how can that be? is that just what life is? I have invisible strings attaching me to places that my heart breaks for. for times that I would never want to re-live. I always feel this way in the summer time. before I return to Tallahassee, which is in two more sleeps. how can I grow older and feel the same. how can a lump form so beautifully and meticulously and easy in my throat when I even start to think about a memory. of a time long gone. it's the smell of the air. the burn of a candle. I have been meditating, finally, for the first time ever. and it is making me feel thousands of things at once. like a flood. or a waterfall. life is simple now. but also more complicated than it ever has been. Jake's bar mitzvah is in a month. I feel like time has stopped.