sane.

I've decided to erase February.
All of the bullshit and the struggles and the anxiety that filled my veins and my nerves and my head. Happiness is chosen and accepted. I choose happiness. I've decided to be healthy again. I've decided to research therapy up here and to write more and to fucking speak rather than choking back the words i crave to say but am too scared to. February was a blur and i am erasing it. It was my lowest, my pit of darkness and my worst. Everybody needs a February though, everybody needs to have that point in their life where nothing works out and you literally think you're going to die every morning you wake up because the pain is so unbearable. February's prepare you and guide you to better days. Nothing is handed to you on a platter, nothing is given without needing something in return and nothing is easy. Life would be dull without struggle and even though there are days where you wish and pray for absolutely anything other than the life you are living, there come days where you realize. A light turns on and pieces of the puzzle become clear and that sigh of relief feels like heaven. It is heaven, figuring out the solution. I look back on all the times where i felt inadequate, incomplete and terribly alone and i breathe into the fact of knowing that i am so much more. I am brilliant and capable and the world isn't ready for me. I know that i can succeed and i will.
Goodbye February, you won't be missed.
and thank you.